She's in a better place.

Today was my maternal grandmother's funeral.

Yesterday was the memorial service/viewing.

It's been a pretty awful week (she passed on the 17th), and an especially emotional and draining weekend. My grandma turned 100 last year, and would have been 101 yesterday. I still can't believe she's gone; and even though everyone tells me she's in a better place (and I do believe she is), the pain is still so powerful.

It hurts even more when family drama takes a seat at the head of the table. It's the type that's been brewing for years and years, but came to a head yesterday. The dagger to my heart throughout the process - well one of the daggers - was when I stated that I had written a little something to read in memory of my grandmother, and the pastor of the church - who happens to be my uncle/my grandma's son stated that 'the tribute list was just so full already', and that 'we don't want the program to run long, so...we'll see'. Yeah, it never happened. I was provided a pre-approved scripture to read, and time was made for multiple members of the church community to tell stories, read letters, sing songs with seemingly unending choruses, and read statements from local counsel members who never even met my grandma. All this while the other children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren were allowed to...just sit there.

I said some of the words to my grandma at her graveside today. It was during a quiet moment after most everyone had left, and while it was not the same as being able to share it with everyone at the memorial, I'm sure she heard me from up there and hopefully she smiled :)

For Grandma J:

 

 

For those who don't know me, my name is R. I am [my mom and dad's names here] daughter; and I want to say a few words in memory of my grandmother.

 

It's difficult to put into words how much my grandmother meant to me. She was a strong, intelligent, spiritual woman. She was loving and caring and had an amazing voice, a beautiful smile, and these wonderful cheekbones... She passed a lot of wisdom, conviction and strength down to her children, including my wonderful mother (who is a spitting image of her mother), who I am happy to say passed those traits on to me and my sisters.

 

I didn’t get to spend as much time with my grandmother as I would have liked, but even though our time together was too brief I felt like we had a strong bond. She was the only one to call me the special nickname she gave me, and observing her kindness and faith since I was a child has had a great impact on how I've viewed and treated others throughout my life.

My grandmother loved LIFE. She loved her family, and she loved God. No matter what situations life presented her with - no matter how challenging - she was able to overcome it with a wonderful attitude and belief in the love and power of the Lord. Not once did I witness her giving in to...pettiness, one-upsmanship, guilt...or having to downgrade the worthiness of others around her in order to make herself feel better, or appear better in the eyes of others... No, my grandmother showed me that no matter what happens in life, if you remain calm and positive, and keep your FAMILY and your FAITH in your mind and in your heart, you can overcome it. It was lessons like that...especially her emphasis on the importance of always nurturing each other and being there for your family...that I will remember the rest of my life. 

 

I love my family with every ounce of me. My parents, sisters and my husband travel with me in my heart every second of every day; and I count my grandmother as one of the inspirations for showing me how important love for family is, and what strength that love provides during both the happy AND sad times. It is incredible what an open mind and a kind heart can do.

As long as I can remember my grandmother shared with me the importance of faith. She was a very religious woman, who showed me how a belief in God helped shape her life. She did not feel the need to force anyone to follow a specific path; but instead knew that everyone has to follow their own personal journey to the Lord. I owe my grandmother immensely for my passion and faith in God, and I hope that I can live my life with the same honor, grace and respect that she did.

My grandma often spoke about how wonderful it would be when she would get to meet the Lord again; and while we were blessed to have her with us to celebrate the milestone of her 100th birthday here on Earth with us last year, He called one of his best creations home to celebrate with him this year. Happy 101st birthday Grandma. You will always be loved and remembered; and you will forever be deeply missed. 

Thank you.

Well, I'm exhausted and am going to take a nap. I hope everyone was able to have a more relaxing weekend than I did, and that the rest of the week gets better.

Today's a day

So, I was promoted at work. Well, they call it a "promotion", and I guess it is technically. It was initially presented to me as a 'we think you are so wonderful, please accept this great honor', and then the situation kind of degraded (at least to me) to a 'you will be doing this work, so you can either accept the new title and extra 2 cent [practically] raise or not...and still do the work' clustercuss. I accepted. Obviously. The problem I have is that Big Head #1 is going out on maternity leave next Friday. She calls it a working maternity leave ('yes, please go ahead and patch me into that important conference call while I'm nursing'), but the fact is she'll be out of the office for two months. Big Head #2 knows nothing. NOTHING. Not only does he not know anything about his job, the paperwork we have to deal with everyday, the system we use...anything, he makes no true attempt to even try. The problem is that all the higher up bosses opted to leave, so who knows who's even overseeing the Big Heads right now. No one's left to watch out for the worker bees in this situation - at least not that I can see.

In addition to that P's counterparts N and O are out of here too. N was on medical leave for like 6 months and then she opted to leave the organization altogether. It's mighty coincidental that while she was on medical leave she managed to not only finish school and her internship and graduate, but also start a new job/business and a life coach. A LIFE COACH! O took a gamble trying to squeeze more money out of the organization and they called her bluff quickly and completely...not only is she leaving, they actually cut that position. So, P will be left alone to handle three people's work until they hire a second person, who she will likely have to train and support during the inevitable learning curve; just like they told me that I would have to assist in the ongoing training process of my counterparts. How do you assist someone who is so far past clueless that I can't, in good faith, use the word clue in any part of any statement related to him? Either way, I am happy to be recognized for my hard work; so the small smile is there :)

Anyway, enough crap. On to non-work topics.

Hubby and I saw Premium Rush the other day. The movie itself was decent, but Joseph Gordon-Levitt? Fantastic and oh-so sexy-adorable (sadorable?), as always. B- movie, A+ JGL. It made me want to watch Inception a few more times. yea, blue ray. I sat through Christian Bale's Batman voice and Tom Hardy's "Of Course!" Bane voice three times - time's 2.5 to 3 were overkill - and cannot wait to see Looper. He's s'wonderful. Hubby understands :)

In food related yummy news, I made the most wonderful Honey Beer and Mozzarella Beer Breads the other day (man, I do a lot on those 'other days'). I'll post pics later. Hubby is my resident taste-tester, and he loved them, as did the people at work. To me, the honey version was tasty, but the mozzarella version was divine. I love cheesy goodness and will definitely be making it again soon. I can already taste the cinnamon and pumpkin ale version I want to make for Turkey Day. Yummy!

Hubby and I are going paintballing (is that a term?) next month. My friend K is freaking me out a bit telling me that the pain outweighs the fun, but it's my first time playing so I'm still excited. Nervous fear, I guess. When I imagine myself playing, I picture Tom Hardy in This Means War. His paintball scene was easily the best scene in the movie. In reality, I'll probably be more like the kids his character is decimating, but I still aim to have fun. I'll just have to stock up on Advil, heating pads and stuff beforehand :) Any experienced paintball people out there? How much pain are Hubby and I in for, really?

Enjoy the rest of the day everyone!

Mr. Rogers would have hated this neighborhood.

Yesterday was a bad day.

I got so angry at work that I actually saw red. I could feel my blood pressure rushing and hear the dull roar of the blood rushing through my body.

I was pissed.

It all started with the compressed workweek schedule. We are allowed to work longer hours 4 days a week, in order to have the 5th day off. We can do this 2 times a month, but I only do it once. Once.

Sooooo, C came around saying that Management (let's call them the 'Big Heads' for this post) told co-worker M that they decided that only one person can be out on any given day because we are so short staffed. M in turn told C who took it upon herself to relay the message in a childish game of telephone. I stated that I have no problem changing my days as needed, but I wanted to first hear the reasoning directly from Big Head #2 (who is two offices away) instead of from M to C to XYZ, blah, blah, blah. Not an unreasonable request, I think.

This sparked M, T and C coming down to my office about 30 seconds later. Their posse rolled up to my door, sneers and all, like that bs was supposed to intimidate me, and looked a bit surprised/flustered/scared? when I proceeded to very loudly state that I did not have time for this sh*t as I (gesturing to my paperwork avalanche of a desk) have too much sh*t to deal with that is actually part of my job. M again asked questions (can you believe this?!), and I started to get pissed. When I get so angry that I start to tear up, it's not going to end well, so I took the high road and not so politely told them to get the hell out of leave my office and not let the door hit 'em where the good Lord split 'em close the door behind them. They then proceeded to go to my colleague, K, next door and, while I only heard muffled words, she became upset and left for the day immediately after.

Taking deep breaths wasn't working for me so I called my husband, who talked me down - because I was ready to go off about all the bull that I've had to deal with over the past 5 years - and when I was finally able to form coherent sentences again without rampant profanity I went down to talk to the Big Heads (because they had, of course, email summoned me down to chat about the incident even though it was seconds away from the day's quitting time.

50 minutes later, I left Big Head 1's office having accomplished nothing because some people hear only what they want to hear. Sad. So, so, sad. Thank God my husband recognized the tone of my voice and plea to come cheer me up, and was waiting for me in my office. Just seeing him brought a smile to my face even after all that.

The drama continues today with HR, phone calls, meetings, and other crap; but we all know that some things will never change. Hopefully though, something will be done about my work load, because if not...well, something has to give.

Oh, that was a downer of a post :(

Anywho, my husband is meeting me after work again today so we can go home together :) so I'm just ignoring all the work bs and focusing on that :) I'm trying to anyway.

Let's end this with something happy :) The Magic Mike trailers and TV spots brings a smile to my face :D

Like this one!

Yep. I am seeing that. Anyone else?

Have an excellent day everyone!

I love you 4.5 day weekend.

1pm can't come fast enough today.

Thank God for 1) half days at work, and 2) 4 day holiday weekends (yes, I did take off an extra day :), because this place has me so stressed and frustrated that I'm about to scream. A part of me wants to scream just to see what would happen. Most likely, my manager would speed race down to my office, as he too-often does (use email or IM for goodness sakes) and, after pretending that he didn't just break the sound barrier to get there, ask 'what's up?' in his 'I'm pretending to be laid back to distract you from how stressed and overwhelmed I am/trying too hard to be cool/high school guidance counselor' way. I mean the man actually asked one of my co-workers how to 'do cursive' today so he could sign a document, and then proceeded to misspell what he wrote.

Seriously, the weekend needs to start now.

Sis 2 is graduating from college on Sunday, so it's going to be a wonderful graduation/Memorial Day weekend! I'm so proud of her :)

Anyone else have any fun weekend plans?

Have an amazing day/weekend everyone! My boss just walked by...again. He's going to wear a hole in the office carpeting soon. I may actually scream before the half-day is over :)

Holy crap, I've been in my office for 5 years!

Today marks the 5 year anniversary of my being at my job! 

Image found here

5 years!

It's actually a pretty huge thing for me to comprehend - I seriously cannot believe it. The workdays have been a steady decline of happiness (or a steady increase of suck - whatever) for the last 3 or so years. I seriously cannot believe I'm still chugging along. Having seen a virtual revolving door of people come and go, I have to say, I'm kind of happy and proud.

A new colleague, J, started today. As she was being led around and introduced to everyone, I actually saw the same spark that I had in my eye 5 years ago reflected in hers. She is so super-psyched to be here, and has that whole 'can't wait for life's great adventure to kick in' vibe. She's jumping at the phone calls, zooming down the halls, chipper and positive...I used to be like that. it starts to kick in around month 6, but it's just a tingle in the back of your mind. By the time it's a full grown realization, you can't help but kick yourself for not delving more into that back of the mind though you had oh-so-many-months ago. She left promptly at 5:30pm though. That will become a thing of the past soon enough.

Hopefully, she comes back tomorrow :)

Have an excellent week everyone!

And so it begins...

The exodus has begun.

I always wondered who would be the first to leave 'Project X'.

For a while I thought it would be J. J has had a few issues in the past (not sure what they are, and it's really 1) not my business and 2) not relevant) that have caused him to be out of the office more than he's been in for the past year and a half. He had, in fact, only been in the office for about 1 - 1.5 months (non-consecutively) between January and March. The question of if he would actually be let go was becoming more 'will they won't they' than an episode of "Moonlighting"/"Friends"/"Law & Order: SVU" - when Stabler and Benson were still on it.

They finally did it though - they let him go. The spin they told us was that he'd decided not to return, but it seems the decision was less in his power, and more ball-in-their-court. Either way, he's not coming back. Not a surprise, but still sad.

The real surprise though, came a couple of days before they advised us that he would not be returning, when other J packed her bags and moseyed on too. A lot of us where blindsided by that one. But, I have to say it doesn't surprise me either. Workers can only be pushed so far and under appreciated so much before they decide to pursue other opportunities.

J and J, you will be missed. Especially you other J, as now I and 1 of my other co-workers have acquired your work load. What's 120 or so new projects to work on, right? That's 120 or so new projects EACH. I'm literally drowning in paperwork, emails and phone calls.

The stress is getting to me. The right side of my neck has hurt for a few days. In fact, it hurts so much that I can barely turn my head, and my husband actually had to help me sit up out of bed this morning as I couldn't lift my head at all.

And I'm not the only one. Lately at work, I've heard more slammed doors and phones, seen more people burst into tears, and witnessed more people taking sick days than ever before. Stress is a cruel b*tch.

But moving on to another topic, today is Thursday...so tomorrow is Friday. I just have to keep repeating that to myself :) Not only is tomorrow Friday, but it's The Hunger Games Friday. Everyone is raving about this movie already. I haven't read the books, but my sisters gave me a thorough rundown, and I must say, I'm excited to see how Hollywood pulls off some of the subject matter in a PG-13 film. No midnight showing for me, but opening night? Yes, please :)

Anyone else plan on seeing The Hunger Games tonight or this weekend?

Well, have a great Thursday everyone! Stay as stress-free as possible :)

Happy Leap Day or whatever...

Today started off so craptastically, that I swear I’m almost convinced that “leap day” translates into tool of the devil.

Someecards are the best :)

From the moment I got up and my morning routine was thrown out of wack, the day has been a twisted avalanche of suck.

Unfortunately, each day here at Project X (that's what I'm choosing to call the workplace today) is getting progressively more difficult to get through with a level head. The tension and animosity jumped up significantly yesterday, and I only see it degrading further from here.

I’ve got too many working years left before I reach this wall, to trap myself in such an ulcer-inducing environment.

The day needs to either get better (please), or hurry up and just get gone. I would prefer the former (and I think the leap year babies and leaplings of the world would agree. Personally, I love having good days, and for your leapers, why rush the day you all only get every four years? Happy Birthday to you all by the way :)

Hope everyone if having a good day. If not, and your morning also sucked, then join me in hoping that our days take a turn for the best this afternoon :)

Is it 5:30 yet?

My job is killing me. That's what it feels like.

The paperwork.

The in-fighting.

The high school style cliques and drama.

The fake smiles disguised as friendliness.

The nosiness disguised as concern.

The constant fear that the other shoe is going to drop.

It's. Too. Much. I'm not averse to hard work, but work should not be this hard - not in this sense.

I feel like I'm drowning sometimes. Too often I wake up in the morning, before my alarm goes off, (hubby leaves extra early in the am so he's already enjoying his work day by then :) and just stare at the clock silently enjoying my me time until I have to get up, get ready, make my two hour commute, work in the shark jaws of Hell's high school's sweatiest gym locker and make my two hour trek back home (and yes I had the whole 'Gotta get up. Gotta get going. Gonna see a friend of mine' Winnie the Pooh theme in my head as I wrote that). As much as my feet drag as I walk to work (shoulders hunched over, scowl firmly in place), they rush me home with the apparent speed of light at the end of the day. I am so consistently elated to leave the pit - to leave the City - at the end of the day I can hardly stand it.

Some ridiculous bullsh*t-label worthy nonsense was initiated at my job yesterday. When I say BS worthy, I almost want to have a solid gold trophy made up and handed to this person during the first annual BS parade. With the stuff that goes on here, we'd have a parade every other day. It was insanity that began late in the workday. Thinking that it would be a dead issue today, I actually came to work in a somewhat pleasant mood. I'd decorated P's office for her birthday (office luau) before I left, gone out for Chinese-Indian cuisine last night, had an insane amount of laughs, headed home to my sweetie, and even gotten a good night's sleep - and today is Friday! All was well...until I get here.

I was told to do something yesterday that I did not feel comfortable doing until I had facts in place for myself (instead of relying on information from others), and apparently that turned into a huge 'with me or against me' campaign. Just because I choose to handle things a different way, does not mean that I am 'with' or 'against' anyone. I'm sick of this workplace faction crap. When did it not become enough to just come to work to work? To be respectful and personable to people, regardless of whether you like them or not, because you're supposed to be a grownup in a professional environment. This is a job. It's not called happy, fun playtime because it's not recess, it's f'ing work.

I'm just so frustrated. It's silly and more than a little distressing that some people can't seem to grow up and not simply just grow older.

Seriously, is it 5:30, yet? I need a movie marathon weekend. I really want to see "Haywire", "The Grey", "Underworld: Awakening", and "The Artist", but I also want to see "Contraband", "Man on a Ledge", and "One for the Money" (even though the casting for that is 100% wrong. Katherine Heigl? Seriously?). I may have to construct a make-shift dart board and toss a few darts. Three back to back movies with my hubby should be enough to get me out of the funk of this week. Maybe. We'll see. Next week has to be better. Maybe I'll be the lucky Powerball winner tomorrow (oh how I wish upon wishes). That would be exactly what I need :)

Hope you all had a better week than I did. Feel free to vent or rave in a comment :) Either way, have a great weekend everyone.

Oh, and tomorrow's "Thank a Mailman (or woman) Day", so be sure you do that :)

Tick Tock goes the RSVP clock

Dear lackadaisical RSVPer(s):

Why is it that people treat RSVP cards like suggestions? I mean, come on! The card is just begging to be completed and returned. I know you have a lot going on in your life, but that's why I made it nice and easy for you. All you have to do is check 'Yes' or 'No' and mail the card back! The envelope is already addressed and stamped, itching to be dropped in a mailbox. No need to travel back in time and flag down the ye'old pony express, send a smoke signal, fly across country to hand deliver it...none of that. Just drop it in the mail and the handy dandy men and women of the USPS will do the rest. Seriously!

To the non-RSVPers that I actually work with?! You see me almost every day. Every DAY! We work feet away from each other, and the 'Oh, I left it on my dresser this morning' excuse is only funny the first time...maybe the first 2...no, just the once.

The reply by date was 10/1. 10/1! It's 10/10. Now, I know today is Columbus Day and the post office is closed, so feel free to take all of today to work up the strength to pick up a pen and check the card. Take all day if need be...you're busy and picking up pens is hard :( So, eat your Wheaties, down a couple of RedBulls, man up and mail the card on Tuesday.

Thank you in advance,
A bride-to-be who needs an accurate final count

A touch of happiness = Free ice cream day!

My goodness, it has been a long time since I've posted. I've miss it (and you guys and gals)!

I've been a busy bee at work, school, and especially with wedding planning, etc. I never doubted that planning one's wedding was a stressful time, but the reality is even more ridiculous than even my vivid imagination could have dreamed up. Relative drama, in-law drama, friend one-upsmanship drama, florist drama, 'oh, you're not having a church ceremony' drama...the list grows everyday. I feel like Nell Carter - geez, just Gimme a Break already :)

There was a highlight at work today though. Free ice cream from Mr. Softee!!! I did actually want to scream when it was time to get some, but the HR Rep was down there and who needs that kind of attention.

Of course, everyone who wanted ice cream had to RSVP and pick up their numbered ticket first, but it was so worth it. It's about 2 million degrees (ok, ok 97 - but it feels like 106!) outside and taking a sweet treat break sounded just dandy to me. If only they had a free frozen margarita day (virgin's okay) tomorrow. It's supposed to feel even hotter then :( Is there an 'I hate summer weather, and feel all icky because I'm sweating too much' emoticon?

Now, back to work. Hope you're all keeping cool somehow.